As our journey through infidelity continued rather than let it cause destruction and divorce, I choose to fight for our marriage! At this time of our story my husband was not sure that there was anything left in our relationship to save, but that is the true beauty in our story! Let me start by saying… Healing was not an easy task. It was and will forever be a difficult process. The enemy is a snake and will continue for all of our days to break us, to slip into our lives when we least expect it… So the healing work being done in our lives today is molding us for the future battles that we will be subject too. We have dedicated our days to live in faith and to continue to choose Jesus each and everyday because we have seen him work and his grace is sufficient.
Seeking Help
Our First step in healing was to seek counseling which was so important on those beginning months of healing. I searched for a christian based counselor and thankfully that we found one that was willing to be tough and straight forward with us. It felt so strange for someone to call my husband out on things, I had seen as issues but never spoken up about. Remaining calm through our sessions was HARD for me, not allowing my self to become defensive for him was tough. I had covered for him for so long… To our friends and family, but my husband didn’t need me to cover for him. It was time for him to answer for some of the decisions that he had made. It was a time for him to be honest with himself and get down to the root cause behind some of his unhealthy behaviors. Honestly, looking back on it he needed someone to be tough and real with him. To see the damage his actions had caused and I could have NEVER been that person. Counseling brought to light so many things we had over looked. Especially, how much the strain of the everyday responsibilities and parenting had clouded our views of each other instead of highlighting each others stregths. I will highly recommend counseling to anyone and everyone, especially those struggling in relationships or just with life in general. Counseling can give you a safe space to voice concerns, and a mediator that helps you process how you feel and if your feelings are valid points or if you are having unreal expectations.
God’s Role in Your Life
Unreal Expectations can be many things, but here is the key question to ask yourself. Are you relying on your spouse or others to fill roles that only God is meant to fill in your life? This concept may seem strange but it happens all too often. It was happening in our home! In your life God is meant to fill you in certain ways… God provides you with a level of comfort and peace and your spouse isn’t equipped to handle or carry those burdens for you. If you put these burdens onto your spouse, you will continue to be disappointed. In today’s world most marriages end because of unmet expectations. You have to evaluate your expectations and make sure that they are realistic. A fruitful marriage is work, it is compromise and it is honoring your partner through the worst of issues, because they are just human. This is the reason why it is so imperative to keep God in his role throughout your life. We had lost sight of him and his presence in our day to day lives, this in turn caused us to lean on each other for things that we could never handle.
Vulnerability
Building up walls to protect your heart is something that people have done throughout the ages. If healing from sin in your relationship is your end goal you have let down those walls and be vulnerable and honest. Why is it so hard to be vulnerable and honest with your spouse? So many emotions come to mind thinking of this… Disappointing someone we care for is SCARY. Feeling inferior especially when we do not truly understand all the layers and emotions to every situation. Worrying that through this honesty, you may find out that you have very different opinions. Let’s be real trust has been broken and you need to navigate through your situation with caution and grace for each others feelings especially through this vulnerability. These are all hurtles that you will need to overcome for true healing to begin. Once the snake of infidelity was out of the bag, honesty became easier. Once the the weight of the truth had been lifted off of our realtionship and we could speak more freely. Seems silly but once the cat was out of the bag it didn’t seem like things could get much worse. Through all of this, I didn’t know the plans that God had for us. What I did know was He was with me and through him I could find peace and rest in this storm…
Friends do NOT be discouraged from the sins that you face in your life and relationships. Yes the enemy is here and he is working tirelessly to cause destruction in your life, but Our God is greater than anything he could bring to pass. He has overcome it all and with him you can do ALL THINGS. The emotions and day to day of healing from these sins is not for the faint at heart, but man is it worth all the heartache. I have found so much of myself, so much of my faith and so much security in Jesus from this trail that we faced. If you find yourself in a similar situation, know that I am here for you if you need a friend or prayer warrior, do NOT hesitate to message me, here! If you know someone struggling with similar situations in their relationship please share our story with them in hopes it gives them hope for a truly happy and fruitful marriage because it is possible!
Here are some of my go to praise songs to get me through those anxious moments….
Jireh – https://youtu.be/w_gCSJI6DKM
Yes I Will – https://youtu.be/NrTv39-lG4M
Promises – https://youtu.be/q5m09rqOoxE
Follow our next steps in our healing journey from infidelity and watch how Jesus worked in our marriage in real time!