I remember the day so vividly that I found out about my husband’s infidelity. He was out of town for work and I was putting our 3 young children to bed when my world came crashing down… I couldn’t believe it, a couple that never fought could be thrown into a lion’s den of destruction. I was broken, completely shaken to my core. Every emotion imaginable flooded my mind. Disappointment, Anger, Betrayal…
My mind raced with all these questions… How would we move forward? What would our future look like? Why and how could this be happening to us. How would our sweet children be effected?
The Power in Prayer
That first 24 hours was a world wind. As I laid down for bed that first night I prayed, and I felt so ashamed, ashamed because I had not prayed like that in YEARS… I prayed for it to be a mistake. I prayed that it wasn’t real. I prayed for everything to just work out for us. I couldn’t believe what had come of us…
The faithful man that I had known for more than half my life was completely unrecognizable, his character and actions were simply unbelievable…
I was filled with an unbelievable sense of sadness, the idea of how did I let things come to this kept running through my mind. I had noticed subtle changes, noticed that he had been off for a while, but I didn’t speak up. Instead I made excuses for his behavioral changes some small and some large trying to accommodate him. Little did I know, I was just band-aiding issues and enabling him because I didn’t want to have the hard conversations, I was scared of what would come of it…
Depression, Isolation, distractions, all of these things that I had become accustom to and didn’t want to bring up, because I thought they would just work themselves out. I felt such a sadness for him and his emotional state, I couldn’t fathom how he must have felt.
GOD SPEAKS
The next morning is when GOD spoke to me. Right there in our backyard, as I prayed for guidance. I was about to talk to my husband for the first time since finding out and God met me right there where I was!
He calmed EVERY anxiety that I had… IT ISN’T YOU, IT’S ME… He is missing ME! This was a life changing moment for me. I had no questions, no more worries, no anxiety. I could hear him so clearly JUST WAIT… Be patient, show him grace, help him to find me again. Love him like Jesus loves you, and you will see how I can move in your life!
I remember that phone call like it was yesterday, I told him these exact words.
“You are searching for instant gratification and happiness, you need to realize that emptiness you feel can only be filled by Jesus! Until you realize that HE is what you’re missing you will never truly be happy, not with me, not with our boys and surely not with yourself, no one will be enough until you find him again… I feel led to wait for you, and I hope you can find him before I am not here any longer.”
Let me tell you, this was not a crowd pleasing decision, but this was my decision. It was also a decision that brought me overwhelming sense peace. God had spoken and it was my turn to be obedient!
Finding Support
As the first days came and went I shared with friends and family, I was met with confusion and disbelief. More importantly, I was met with compassion and support. They may not have understood or completely agreed with me, but they were willing to support me in any decision that I thought was right for us. This was HUGE!
You need support in these hard moments that life will bring your way, and if you don’t have a support system you need to find one.
Know, I am here for you if you need support and have no where to turn. These first days were some of the hardest days I have every personally experienced, and I’m not sure how I would have managed through them without my faith or my support system!
Contact me HERE
Perspective is Everything
The narrative of today’s world casts shadows on commitments, when infidelity comes into play many will say to you leave, you deserve better. That is just one perspective… What if better is already there, what if better is being covered by the darkness of sin and shame. When my husband needed me most spiritually would I run, NO, I FOUGHT, down on my knees praising the only one that could make change!
The enemy is real friends, and it will creep in on your life by any means possible. It will creep into your marriage and your relationships when you least expect it. It will come in as an innocent gesture or small disagreement and it will take over like the plague! Take hold of the ones that you love, know that sin can take over even the most faithful people! The good news is that OUR GOD is bigger and stronger than anything that the enemy can bring forth!
If you are struggling in your marriage, or relationship, I want you to know that I am here to pray with you, and support you if you need me! Never underestimate the power of Jesus friends, he is truly a miracle worker!
Follow along as the rest of our journey unfolds and watch how our marriage was saved!
Find below one of my favorite songs to listen to here especially in those difficult moments.
In the Eye of the Storm https://youtu.be/X2FqFLKisys
Do it Again https://youtu.be/ZOBIPb-6PTc